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Do you live with a perfectionist, a procrastinator, or an underachiever? Here's how to diagnose and defuse homework hassles.

The exasperated sighs of parents everywhere signal the seemingly inevitable homework tug-of-wars. Who hasn't wondered, "Why can't he just sit down and finish his work?" or "Should I remind him again about the science test?" Leapfrogging over homework hurdles can be especially tricky if you live with one of the kids described below.

Remember that homework hassles are often discipline problems in disguise. Defuse the power struggles by following the cardinal rules of discipline in general: Set limits that are reasonable — and stick to them when it's realistic.

The Perfectionist
Though she's a straight-A student, Jordyn, 9, is afraid to raise her hand in class unless she's certain she knows the answer. Ten-year-old Max's science project is late — again. He's been working on it for two months; it's still not "right."

Many people wish their kids were more like Jordyn and Max. But the parent of a perfectionist knows better: When nothing less than the best is acceptable, goals are often unattainable, super-high expectations unrealized, anxiety and frustration rampant.

To a certain extent, perfectionists just can't help it: "We all have our temperamental predispositions — ways of relating to the world that are biologically linked — and this is one of them," says Melanie J. Katzman, Ph.D., associate clinical professor of psychology at Weill Cornell Medical School in New York City. "Perfectionism can be a wonderful thing to pass on to your child, so parents shouldn't feel badly about it. But carried to an extreme, it can become debilitating. Perfectionist kids may anticipate that they will never be able to meet their own high standards, so why bother?" To keep your child from getting gridlocked, set a realist example (by handling your own mistakes with composure) and praise effort, not grades.

The Procrastinator
The Procrastinator finds 201 things to do before she actually sits down and starts her homework. Often, she waits until the last minute, then rushes through it. Your procrastinator may readily admit that she knew a month ago that the replica of an Iroquis longhouse for social studies was due tomorrow. She just didn't mention it to you. As a result, her work may be incomplete, messy, and nowhere near as good as it could be. Often, the procrastinator will throw you a bone: She'll gladly do her work, as long as you're right there beside her. That's okay if you're willing, and if your child is young — but eventually, she will need to be more independent.

The procrastinator procrastinates for myriad reasons: She may be disorganized or have poor study or planning skills. Or she may be anxious or angry about something at home or at school, in which case you need to play detective and talk to her, her teacher, or a school psychologist to determine why.

She also may have lingering doubts about her ability. "Avoiding an assignment is a convenient solution for kids who believe their efforts may be futile," says Dr. Katzman. Rather than face a situation she dislikes or one that makes her feel incompetent, she thinks: "If I don't try, then I have a reason for doing poorly. If I try and fail, it proves I'm not really smart." Trouble is, as the poor grades and negative comments pile up, putting work off becomes a self-defeating proposition.

On the other hand, some people thrive on the adrenaline rush of a tight deadline. "These kids may count on a burst of anxiety to push them over the finish line," Katzman notes. "If she's up until 2 a.m., that's not okay; you need to have a discussion about appropriate bedtimes. But assuming she's doing well, sticking to household rules, and getting enough sleep, let her keep her own pace — even though it's not the way you would work."

To help, work with your child to set goals she can meet and to come up with a mutually agreeable homework schedule.

The Disorganized Child
Scott, 12, knows his lab report for earth science is due tomorrow, and he'll finish it right away — as soon as he figures out where he put the form the teacher handed out that explains exactly what to do. Oh, that's right — it's in his binder! And that's in his locker! But since it's Sunday night, well, what is he supposed to do? He tried, didn't he? Why are you so mad at him, anyway?

The disorganized child is always "just about" to sit down and start his work, but then …well, something comes up. Since his elaborate, convoluted reasons for his inability to complete his homework often seem so logical, you're thrown off guard. Should you give him the benefit of the doubt? Or is he just taking you down the same old road? Subconsciously, the disorganized child may feel inadequate, so he invents excuses and explanations or simply "forgets." Deep down, he's unsure about what he doesn't know — and afraid to ask for help.

You could tear all your hair out over the antics of a disorganized child — and he still won't be able to do what he needs to do. Sometimes, the problem may be a learning disability. Sometimes, it's as simple as providing a reasonably quiet, efficient workspace, or teaching him to organize materials, allocate time and gather information. The trouble is, if you're always supplying the information, reminding them to study, or rushing that forgotten paper to school, you undermine the whole purpose of homework. And the disorganized child will never gain the confidence he needs to do things for himself.

The Underachiever
Rachel, 11, has always been a good student — until this year. Now, more often than not, she arrives home from school in a funk. Her last report card had two Cs on it — a grade she'd never received before. She doesn't seem to care. "I'm not that smart," she'll say.

Parents of underachievers often hear the lament "I'm dumb" or "It's just too hard" from their perfectly capable kids. And they often hear it around fourth or fifth grade, when the workload intensifies; students must get used to stashing their gear in a locker, as well as the different styles of different teachers for each subject. To get your underachiever moving, you need to be a cheerleader.

Needless to say, if your child is genuinely unable to do the work, you, in tandem with his teacher or school psychologist, must figure out why and enlist the help he needs. A learning difficulty or anxiety over problems at home may be affecting schoolwork. Or perhaps the work is below his level and he needs more challenging assignments. By addressing problems early, you prevent them from mushrooming.

For more information, visit www.scholastic.com and visit the “Homework Hub” – an exciting, new area of Scholastic.com that offers resources, tools, and advice to promote kids' at-home-learning success.

 

 

 

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